Recent events in my life have reminded me of the truisms found in the Serenity Prayer. We can’t change people. We just cannot. Our refusal to remember this small and powerful fact causes us emotional upset and angst. Refusing to accept that we cannot change someone is one of the hardest lessons I have ever somewhat learned.
In the private girls’ school I attended decades ago, many of Shakespeare’s works were required reading. The quote from King Lear - “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child” – came to mind today as I sat to write this essay. I considered whether to use that quote, but upon reflection decided that the quote was too perfect to ignore. And while I am not dealing necessarily with the betrayal King Lear was talking about, I am processing behavior from my progeny which has caused me great pain and sadness.
Accepting poor behavior from adult children is hard. But I must also remember the corollary of accepting the fact that I cannot change anyone. I must also allow that individual to walk his or her own path. And in the case of adult children, I have to let go. Let them go to find their way in their relationship with me.
Life is short. When we are in our 30’s and 40’s as my children are, it is almost impossible for us to discern that reality and to fully understand what those three little words mean. The shortness of life is, I think, a mental disconnect with my adult children as it would be with any person of that age. And because they are still so young – yes, young – it is impossible for them to understand how time compresses for those of us much older. Life decisions that may take a 40-year-old a year or longer to reach are no longer the luxury of those of us in my generation. It is also difficult, I think, for adult children to accept that their parents are also adults. We don’t lose our ability to think just because we have hit our 60’s and 70’s.
This is the first essay I have written, or wanted to write, in many months. The desire to write has taken a holiday, but I am hopeful with today’s nudge to write that my Muse has returned. The topic of today’s essay had been on my mind for weeks now, living rent-free in my head, so I thought that putting all of “this” on paper might be a good first step. As always, I hope my words have caused you to think, reflect or just enjoy.