It’s always a shock to discover that the person you’ve been talking to for a period of time isn’t the person you thought you knew. If the lying had been outright, obvious, easy to fact-check – well, then it would be the kind of dishonesty that one is accustomed to encountering. But the kind of dishonesty that is created and perpetrated by omitting the truth, well that is an entirely different kind of lying and one that is very hard to uncover.
So how does lying by omission come about? I imagine there are a multitude of ways depending on the person who is spinning the tale, but the short and sweet of it is that the events of the past – true events – are continually used to create a false narrative about the person’s current circumstances.
I have asked myself, is omitting the truth the same as lying? It’s a very fine line and perhaps a distinction without a difference. But leading someone who trusts the teller to believe that “things” are one way when in fact they are diametrically the opposite, and in a very serious way diametrically the opposite – then I have to ask, was the omission intentional? And if so, is that not a form of, if not lying, then certainly a form of dishonesty. Yes, there were red flags which I ignored longer than I should have, but once the story began to fall apart, I couldn’t ignore them any longer. So, I looked for the truth.
I am heartsick about what I discovered, for the truth that has been omitted is so significant that it has shattered all the trust I had in a particular individual. And I know it has colored my ability to trust moving forward at a time in my life where trust is paramount.
What remains is incredible sadness. And a very hard and painful lesson.